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The Four Dreams Of December

I have been praying that God would give me dreams again like He gave when I first entered the prayer ministry. I had so many dreams and visions back then. Well I asked and He gave me not one but four last month. So interesting to look at them as a whole and see what God is saying. Also, that three of them involved one particular young adult woman.

12/11/2017 – We were in church and there was a newborn baby…a little girl in pink. I was walking across the sanctuary and she stood to her feet, grabbed my hand, and started walking alongside me. Everyone was looking and applauding. I was intrigued by it but I felt very disturbed. Not because she stood and grabbed my hand and walked so much but because as far as I knew newborn babies were just not supposed to walk immediately and I wondered if it was bad for her development to skip so many stages of development.

Dream of 12/26. I was brought before a board of three people of different ages. I knew two of them (a man in his 30s and a girl in her 20s and the third was older and unknown to me though I felt I had heard of her). At their request, I brought to the meeting this big book containing all of my writing and the journal of my thoughts, ideas, and dreams. The man sitting across from me reached over gently and took the book. He said I must take this away and you must leave immediately. I asked why…? And he said there is a spirit that has attached itself to you and seeks to steal what is written here. He said it steals by weaving words of doubt and bitterness and fear amongst your dreams and ideas. So until you are free nothing in this book is safe. The other two shook their heads in agreement and I walked out of the room….leaving it all behind for safe keeping. I woke up and was very troubled and fell on my knees crying out to God for deliverance from this spirit. It was a spirit of negativity.

Two dreams 12/30/2017…in one i was on a train with my church family and I was sitting next to a young adult girl from my church. We all fell asleep because it was a long journey. When we reached our destination the train conductor woke us up and told us to disembark (they use that wording on cruises). When I tried I could not get off because my new white tennis shoes were gone. Were they stolen? Not sure, but the ground outside was so jagged that I couldn’t step foot off without shoes. The train conductor led me to a pit of old shoes but I couldn’t find any my size and my new white ones were not there. He directed me to stay on the train and I returned to my seat.

2nd one I went to a concert in the middle of a poor neighborhood. Everyone there was dressed in black. As we drove to park our car, I thought i have black on too but I knew I would not blend in with this crowd. I knew I would Blend better with the poor neighbors. We went to park and one of the young adult girls from my church was the parking attendant. She showed me where to park. I said the rules I was sent say I should go to the space ahead of me. She said no you have to park here so you can depart quickly if things became dangerous. So I did.

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Dream of 2/13/2015

I had a dream. It has been awhile and so I am very thankful though it seemed rather simple and unfinished. Don’t you hate when you dream a dream with no clear resolution?!? Or was there???

I was in an auditorium. Not a comfortable, clean, modern auditorium but one like I went to in elementary school. Tri-Community Elementary. It was old in elementary school since it was also the school my mom went to as a girl. Much, much older now. I walked in and had the thought that there was a strange charm about the place. Maybe it was the age or the history. It was exactly as I remembered it as a child with the wood folding seats. Some of the seats missing and broken. The carpet was the same. The curtains the same. I was there for a conference and I was happy because it seemed most seats were full and everyone seemed so happy and welcoming. Though the interior was dark and felt kind of damp and there was a musty smell there was excitement in the air.

There was a time of praise and worship and it was simple and upbeat. I thought it was kind of short for a conference…usually they worship longer but okay. Then the first speaker got up and started speaking. He was talking and the people were attentive and “energy” (for lack of a word to describe) was building. As the speaker got into his message however I noticed something. I was having a hard time breathing because of something in the atmosphere. Mildew maybe? Oh well…I tried to focus on what was being said. I was listening and then I noticed….it was very subtle and almost indistinguishable to my ear. It was a switching around of words. Hmmmm….maybe I didn’t hear what I thought I heard. Then I heard something similar it was an absence of some things. Key things. It went on and what I heard I also saw with my own eyes. Clearly I saw a clear glass of mixture. Mixture! Except the two wouldn’t mix up if that makes since. Separation persisted though the speaker was stirring it with his words (and a spoon) as hard as he could trying to get it to mix up as though it were chocolate milk or something. I know it sounds strange but I heard the mixture and saw it clearly in a clear glass in front of me.

Well…then there was this bright light from heaven and it shone down and was so intense I couldn’t ignore it or dismiss it and I didn’t know how anyone was not seeing this light but they weren’t seeing it and the speaker kept on talking and people were clapping. But there was this light and I knew it was the Holy Ghost that said the next three words. He said so loudly I was sure everyone else heard it too, “FLEE DECEPTION DAUGHTER!!!!” And so I ran

Out the front door. I could breathe easier and I sat down on the old, cold concrete steps to wait on others to come out…and I waited and waited and waited.

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Letting Go

Always toward the end of a year I evaluate. What have I learned this year? How have I changed, if at all?

This year I have come to a realization that as hard as I’ve tried to hold on I have lost several relationships and a couple of dreams that were very precious to me. Friends that were once close and likeminded are now acquaintances at best. Oh, I loved them so dearly and felt so invested in their lives. It is sad to know I have to just let go. This year I’ve also had to release a dream and a part of my business that I thought I never would have to see go until I decided it was time to. In this life we all need the graceful gift of good-bye.

Letting go is hard for me and for most of us, whether it’s letting go of a loved one, a dream, an expected outcome, business, etc. Life in this world seems to take people or things from us that we want to keep. I have asked God to help me to learn how to let go of them in my heart, so I won’t continue to feel such a hurt from the loss.

How do you let go of things or people you don’t actually want to give up? For me, I’ve struggled a lot with this. Although, I am introvert by nature, I highly value and am committed to the people in my life, even the ones who are on the fringe are important to me. I didn’t know it, but in my heart I was afraid of losing people and parts of my life. I needed to learn how to face the fear of loss and let go of people or anything else that I was holding onto out of fear.

What God has helped me this year to learn is to pray about it all. Pray about the relationships I lost. Pray about the things I lost. I would say to the Father out loud over each of those, “I let go of …” even before I actually did. I also waited on Him to reveal anything or anyone I was not conscious of that I was holding onto out of fear. As He revealed these people or things, I tried to respond. Sometimes in many tears but also in the most honest and sincere way I knew. Then I would say again to Him, “I let go of …”

As I did this I began to notice a difference in my peace of mind. The fear and feelings of being upset started dissipating. My vision concerning my own life and life around me broadened. The tunnel vision I was plagued with was gone.  I discovered what I thought was hurting and diminishing me was not that at all. That was a delusion. Do I absolutely need this person or thing to validate me, make me secure, happy, etc.? If the answer was yes then I believed a lie and that lie was causing me to fear. Sure, people or things can make us happy and give us a certain level of validation, security or whatever your need may be, but they can’t be the source of it. The Lord Himself is the source. Everything and everyone is a precious resource granted to us. Everything, even relationships, on this earth are the things seen as in 2 Corinthians 4:18: While we look not at the things which are seen, but at the things which are not seen: for the things which are seen are temporal; but the things which are not seen are eternal.

I began to see the privilege God has granted me. I was graced to journey with some awesome people and do some awesome things for a season, but now that part of my life is over and my journey continues. God has given me(us) a future and hope. We are being transformed and the world around us is changing. Just because something or someone was right for me in the past doesn’t mean that is still so.

I also discovered thankfulness plays a role in letting go. One night in the midst of one of my pity parties the Lord showed me what was a sign that said, “Thank You.” I closed my eyes and saw it again. I believe part of letting go is to be thankful for the people and things that made us happy and helped us to learn, grow and become more of our true self.  It’s the acceptance of everything and everyone we have been given, everything and everyone we once had in our lives, but also being thankful for the possibilities and hope and people that lie ahead.

The missionary and martyr, Jim Elliot, summed it up like this, “He is no fool who gives what he cannot keep to gain what he cannot lose.”

Corrie Ten Boom’s wisdom is also helpful. “I have held many things in my hand and I have lost them all, but whatever I have placed in God’s hand, that, I still possess.”

This year as I head into 2015 I head in with one of my greatest loss challenges right before me. It will be a time of prayer and fasting for me because surely if God has allowed such He has something much greater in store. I pray I learn to count all loss as dung as in Philippians 3:8: Yea doubtless, and I count all things but loss for the excellency of the knowledge of Christ Jesus my Lord: for whom I have suffered the loss of all things, and do count them but dung, that I may win Christ,

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Death to your will, your desires, your dreams, etc…

The book Live Before You Die by Evangelist Daniel Kolenda was not only one of the best books I have read on the subject of seeking God’s will for our lives but it was one of the top five books I have ever read. Here is a Bible study I received today based on his teaching from his book. It touched my heart as it addresses so well a present struggle. 

This book is well worth the investment but you are welcome to borrow mine….if you promise to highlight things that speak to you and write in the margins your own thoughts as I have had several others do…and then return it to me.


Part 5 – Death to Your Vision

Secret #2 – The Surrendered Will This Bible study has been taken from chapter 7 of LIVE BEFORE YOU DIE

When we talk about being crucified with Christ and dying to self, what do we mean? It means we die to our desires, our ego, and our will. Sometimes this even means dying to our own vision. But you may say, “I’m sure my vision is God-given. It is His will.” Yet there is an inherent danger. It is possible for the calling, promises, and vision God has given us to become our main ambition, making them opponents of God, for He is not willing to share our hearts with anything—not even with good things.

Isaac was the fulfillment of the promise God gave Abraham. Yet God was not willing to share Abraham’s heart, not even with Isaac. So God asked Abraham to lay Isaac on the altar and offer him as a sacrifice, knowing this would be the ultimate test of Abraham’s love. Author A. W. Tozer expounds on this brilliantly in his classic bookThe Pursuit of God.

God let the suffering old man go through with it up to the point where He knew there would be no retreat, and then forbade him to lay a hand upon the boy. To the wondering patriarch He now says in effect, “It’s all right, Abraham. I never intended that you should actually slay the lad. I only wanted to remove him from the temple of your heart that I might reign unchallenged there. I wanted to correct the perversion that existed in your love. Now you may have the boy, sound and well. Take him and go back to your tent. Now I know that thou fearest God, seeing that thou hast not withheld thy son, thine only son, from me.”

What does it mean to surrender our will to God? The word surrender is a radical word!Many of us are willing to surrender until it begins to hurt, but true surrender is painful. Some people are willing to surrender as long as it is logical, but true surrender is not subject to our rationale. Others can surrender what is bad and harmful, but God is not satisfied. To God surrender is not complete until it is all encompassing, exhaustive, total. It is not simply saying, “Your will be done,” but it includes, “Not my will.” This death to self is not some form of divine sadism. God always has life in mind. Just as a gardener prunes off the old branches so new ones can grow, God desires to remove that which hinders life and growth. This place of death is also the place of birth, and it is how God’s purposes are born in the earth!

John Wimber is best known as the founder of the Vineyard church movement, which is well known for its wonderful music that touched the world and, in many ways, revolutionized worship in the modern church. But many people don’t realize that John Wimber had been very successful as a secular musician. Two of his hit singles reached the US top ten before he met the Lord and abandoned fame and fortune to follow Jesus. His wife, Carol, told the following story:

John and I had been Christians only a few months. We were broke and Christmas was coming. John had laid down his musical career because Jesus asked him to. After refusing a lucrative offer to arrange a Christmas album, he quietly put down the phone. As I watched, John went to the cupboards, closets and the piano bench. He gathered a lifetime of work and talent and placed it in big cardboard boxes and we drove to the Yorba Linda dump. As he pushed the last box out of the station wagon and it sunk into the garbage, John 12:24 came to my mind: “Except a grain of wheat fall into the earth and dies, it remains alone, but if it dies, it bears much fruit.” In my heart I know that was when worship was born in the Vineyard.

What if God asked you to give up the thing you enjoy the most? What if He asked you to lay down your gift or talent, the thing that defines you—the thing in which you find self-worth? Could you lay your promise on the altar as Abraham did Isaac, or push your treasures into the Dumpster as John Wimber did? Have you checked to see who is sitting on the throne of your heart? Is it you? Is it your vision? Is it your dream? Or is it Jesus?

My friend, God has a wonderful plan for your life, and He wants to use you in extraordinary ways for His glory. But resurrection only follows death—death to self, death to your will, death to your desires, and death to your dreams. It is in these painful moments of surrender that God’s kingdom is established in us, when we pray with Jesus, “Not my will, but Yours be done.” This beautiful brokenness allows us to become an extension of God’s dominion, and our lives become “cracks in the wall” through which His kingdom can come and His will can be done in earth and on earth!

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Dream of 8/15/2013

I had a dream.

My friend and I were in the midst of a great tent revival/camp meeting. It looked to be much like the tent revivals of old but it was a modern tent with the old chairs. We stayed there for several nights and days. We had our belongings with us with in bags but we had unpacked them and kind of set up a little place around one of the poles that supported the tent to eat, and sleep and worship. It seemed a great time of worship and the Word and we were feeling very one with the Body and with the Lord.

Then in a flash my friend and I looked at each other and said what the Lord had spoken to each of us and that was, “It is time to leave…GOD said GO AND GO NOW!!!!” Instead of leaving immediately though we started to pack up our things. These weren’t all things of great value to the world but they were things we didn’t want to leave there. They were things like our Bibles, notebooks, pens, toothbrushes, hairbrushes, blankets, etc.

As we were packing a group of Umpah Loompahs (you know of the Willie Wonka movie) came in the tent and stood directly in front of each person that was still there and started singing and doing a dance that seemed to entice those in the crowd to join them. They weren’t doing anything but dancing a rather simple dance and singing a simple song but as each person looked on them they started joining in with them and as they joined you could feel “approval” (I use that as the only word I can think of to describe what it looked to be) was entering their lives.

My friend and I started throwing our things into our bags even faster and then a very clean cut good looking young man came into the tent and sat next to us with his own bags and he began looking around and watching what was going on. We finished our packing and turned for a minute to make sure we hadn’t let anything and the young man took what was in his bags and dumped it into our bags covering our belongings completely. His bags only contained dirt and sand.

Then I woke up.

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Dream of 12/5/2012

Dream – We were going to visit someone in a very large apt complex for a Christmas party. It wasn’t present day, it was future because I was older in the dream. (Not sure how I know I was older, just was). It was obvious that it was a complex but each unit had different driveways of varying lengths. We had to park in a very dark communal parking lot and then walk up the drive way to get to the apt complex we were visiting. There was no lighting along the driveway and so it was very dark as well. As we approached the apt we were visiting I could see the occupant because of a very dim light that she had on. This woman had blonde hair to her shoulders – not anyone that I know but I have a very clear picture of her.

I woke up during this dream and immediately thought of the complexes of Romania. Not sure that the dream image was like the image of those in Romania but my mind just went immediately there. The complexes there used to be communist housing but now are still housing but each owned individually. Very, very small living quarters. We stayed in one when we were there on a mission trip.

Seeking the Lord on what it means because I asked Him if it was important to keep it in my mind. Thoughts welcomed!

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Dream of 10/27/2012

He that hath an ear, let him hear what the Spirit saith unto the churches; To him that overcometh will I give to eat of the tree of life, which is in the midst of the paradise of God. Revelation 2:7

Earlier this week, I stated that I really wanted to eat from the tree of life. Yesterday I had a dream regarding that.

In the dream I was still at the beach house but it was so familiar as though I lived there as my residence. I was out and about trying to get to the Tree of Life but kept running into obstacles.

I came across a young girl (withholding name) that was taking many pictures of each of us there and many pictures of everything that we were doing. She wanted me to stand there and look at each and every picture that she had on her camera. We started through each one and it was tedious but we just stood there looking as she scrolled through them.

We had almost seen them all when overhead we saw a futuristic airplane that seemed to be propelled by a circular wheel type gadget on the very back of it. It looked like a missile but in my dream i knew it was for passengers. It flew very close over our heads. It was followed by a round oil tanker that was as an airplane. As the oil tanker flew over very bright and very hot blasts of flames came out of the top and bottom toward things on the earth. As different things moved it burned them completely and instantly up. We also had to dodge these flames.

My son had a lot of electronic things but electricity surged through them and they would not work. Someone came to tow our car and they loaded all of our things that we owned onto a trailer that was also attached to the tow truck. They were moving all of our things but we weren’t going with our things. I could see all of the electronic gadgets surrounding the perimeter of our other possesions. Even though none of the electronic gadgets worked because of the surge, I felt I had to go and retrieve all of those electronics. Nothing else. It was like a compulsion and I couldn’t not save those particular things.

We were very hungry so we went to Cracker Barrel to eat but got so consumed with the things in the store part of the restaurant that we neglected to eat. We were on a strict schedule and it was time for us to leave- we never did eat, even though we were hungry. We didn’t buy anything either. Just spent our time looking at the merchandise. We went to leave Cracker Barrel and to get out we had to go through a huge maze of tunnels and stairs to get out. When we finally got out I stood there…

Then I sort of half way woke up but I was still dreaming and my thought was…I never even got to see the Tree of Life and I didn’t get to eat of it. I was incredibly sad with a groaning sadness. Very deep! Sadness from the depths.

I had a heaviness on me and I felt urgency.

Still dreaming I felt awake but wanted to go back to sleep but I couldn’t because I felt the Lord wanted me to get up and write this all down and He wasn’t going to allow me go back to sleep until I did. His Word regarding this dream was “mandated” and when I heard that I knew in my spirit it was important and I must follow through.

I got myself awake enough to get into my office and I wrote it all down as it was in my dream quickly and in fractioned sentences all over a page.

Then I went and laid down on the couch and went back to sleep.

(Mandate: the formal notice of decision)

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Convictions and a Dream: Regarding Discipleship

I have a fervent prayer that my heart be burdened with God’s command for me to disciple the nations. In the midst of thinking on that and wrestling with it for a bit, I fell asleep and had the following dream:

I was in my kitchen with two members of my small group. I desperately wanted a really good, strong cup of espresso. Not the kind I normally drink with just the coffee and then I take the lazy way out and just add almond milk to it.  I wanted it the right way so I needed to froth some milk.  Got out my frother which is extremely easy to use but I just am even too lazy sometimes to do it and then mess with the clean up. I was out of almond milk and didn’t know if that would froth anyway so I got out the regular milk and poured in. No matter what I did it would not come to a complete froth. Just kind of semi-frothed but then I noticed it had turned a brown color. I decided to try to use it anyway and it was spoiled milk. I stood there apologizing to my small group for the messed up espresso.

Now I am no expert on dream interpretation so I am maybe not exactly sure what all this has to do with discipleship but even after this dream that is all I could think of. This is what I kind of feel it is about. Feel free to let me know your thoughts on it.

I feel very convicted and unprepared but I feel that God has said to me that it is time to disciple. I am getting better at sharing the Gospel in my everyday walk but he is saying that is good but He wants more for me. More FOR me… and He wants me to follow His complete Word and stop picking and choosing the parts I want to do because they are the easiest or what makes me comfortable or those things I know for sure I can’t mess up. He says do it the way He has laid out and commanded and let Him take care of the rest. Honestly, mostly when it comes to discipleship I am most afraid of saying the wrong thing or turning people off and then looking foolish to everyone as I sit there having completely flopped. God says to DO the Word and let Him worry about all of that. I wanted to say here that He believes in me much more than I do but then I felt Him correct me – it is not me at all. I can’t do it at all. He knows that…but His Holy Spirit which lives in me can.  Praise God! I don’t even have to believe in myself or my ability. I just have to allow Him to work through my life. Very encouraging.

The Great Commission is a command, not just to some pastors or evangelists, but to me too!!!

For this is the love of God, that we keep His commandments. And His commandments are not burdensome. 1 John 5:3

He who has My commandments and keeps them, it is he who loves Me. And he who loves Me will be loved by My Father, and I will love him and manifest Myself to him. John 14:21

Remember growing pains and how it sometimes hurt but you knew your bones were growing. That is how my spiritual life is right now. Parts of my life have a dull pain to them when I look at where I am and where I want to be…when I look at how well I am loving Christ. But also that dull pain lets me know I am on the right path. I am growing up : )

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I am a dreamer

I dream of a new world emerging on our planet

A world where love rules instead of fear
A world where generosity replaces greed
A world where good replaces evil
A world where community replaces isolation
A world where redeemed humanity reflects God’s nature
A world where sickness and disease are overcome
A world where people know God, not just know about Him
A world where people hear God, not just hear about Him

I dream

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Sometimes God Still Speaks Through Dreams

Last night I had this very sobering one-

I was in the hospital because I had just had a baby. It was a boy. I was so happy but I was very unprepared and when it was time to go home I didn’t have a car seat or any baby supplies. Nothing. I didn’t even have anyone to drive me home. So I laid the baby on the seat and drove home myself even though I knew that it was illegal to do so. When I got home I ran inside to grab a few things so that I could go to the store and so I left the baby in the car. When I returned he was gone. I was frantic and went around the neighborhood asking if anyone had seen my baby. I looked all over the house but no baby. I became very distraught and then suddenly the doorbell rang. It was a gentleman holding my baby. No explanation of where he had been but he was unharmed. I grabbed him and began thanking God that He had returned the baby in seemingly perfect condition and that everything was okay despite what I had done. I was so relieved. Then the doorbell rang again. It was the police and I was arrested and taken to jail- charged with neglect.

Yikes! When I woke up I felt that God was speaking to me about what will be a new season and to make sure I am prepared and stay prepared for the responsibilities of what He is birthing. I don’t know if my understanding of it is even correct- that was just my initial feelings.