Category: Journal

Several Sundays ago, Pastor Jeff asked me to sing Psalm 16:11. He told me if I didn’t want to, he understood. I won’t pretend I wasn’t nervous about singing on a Sunday morning, but I said “yes” without hesitation. Why? Because God had told me a few days before to stop saying “no” so quickly to every opportunity presented me. He showed me many times I missed His will. So, yes, I sang.

Around the same time, I also received an invitation to go to Israel. I thought about it briefly and let it go. But it didn’t let me go. I never said the word “no,” but I argued against this trip. Arguments like – I had no one to go with me. If God wanted me in Israel, He could have had me born there. It was too much money. I have too many obligations here. Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! It was all true. When asked about a decision, I answered, “yet to be determined.” That wasn’t a “no,” after all.

Then this morning (January 29), I was on Amazon doing what you do there, and suddenly I encountered God Almighty. He said, “Israel?” I said, “Father, I have no one to go with me.” Then He stopped me and I heard Him say, “I have heard your pros and cons. I have heard you say of Israel, ‘yet to be determined.’ But it is determined that I want you to go.” He reminded me again to stop saying “no” to everything. I knew immediately that He had arranged this for me, and the only answer was YES! I knew He had called me to GO!

I stood there in repentance, very corrected. My tears overflowed and yet I was so relieved. At that place of repentance, knowing that I know, everything changed.

I asked my husband, Dan, “what would you say if I told you God just told me to go to Israel?” He said, “I would say GO!”

So “YES” was the only answer, and honestly, that “YES” filled my heart. A heart that ten minutes earlier was filled with fear and conviction was now overflowing with joy and expectancy, and excitement I hadn’t felt since the last trip I took six years ago. So, there it is. I am going to Israel this November. I will walk with my Jesus where He walked, and I can’t wait to see what our Father has planned for me there. Oh, how I wish I had someone going with me that I know, but by faith I believe, that I actually already have that too.

Thou wilt shew me the path of life: In thy presence is fulness of joy; At thy right hand there are pleasures for evermore. – Psalm 16:11

As for trips, this one is probably not considered a mission trip. It matters very little because, as with other trips, I just try my best to follow the LORD. That being said, with every trip, God has given me scripture and a song. You know the scripture already, but the song He gave me that day wasn’t me singing Psalm 16:11. No, it was the song below. I started singing it on my way to church that morning, and I haven’t stopped yet because I know that I know –

Goodness of God
Jenn Johnson

I love You, Lord
For Your mercy never fails me
All my days, I’ve been held in Your hands
From the moment that I wake up
Until I lay my head
Oh, I will sing of the goodness of God

And all my life You have been faithful
And all my life You have been so, so good
With every breath that I am able
Oh, I will sing of the goodness of God

I love Your voice
You have led me through the fire
In the darkest night
You are close like no other
I’ve known You as a Father
I’ve known You as a Friend
And I have lived in the goodness of God

And all my life You have been faithful
And all my life You have been so, so good
With every breath that I am able
Oh, I will sing of the goodness of God

‘Cause Your goodness is running after
It’s running after me
Your goodness is running after
It’s running after me
With my life laid down
I’m surrendered now
I give You everything
‘Cause Your goodness is running after
It’s running after me.

And all my life You have been faithful
And all my life You have been so, so good
With every breath that I am able
Oh, I’m gonna sing of the goodness of God

Last night was my last to spend on Baywoods Court. Such a strange feeling. So many beautiful things happened when I moved back home from Virginia in 2005. It was a Divine setup.

In this dining room on 9/11/06, at one of the lowest points a person could be, and while listening to the names of those that had died exactly five years earlier, I said a one-word prayer that I knew many that day also prayed – “HELP!”

In this dining room, I immediately encountered my Heavenly Father, and He changed everything about me and changed everything I thought I knew about Him. I saw with my eyes and felt with my flesh the brightest light I have ever seen. How do you feel a light? I can’t explain it but I did. I also felt my Father’s arms around me, and heard His voice loud and clear…not once but over and over that entire day and into the weeks and months ahead. Words of correction. Words of comfort. Words of wisdom. Words of love. Words of Hope. Words of a Father.

In this dining room on that blessed day, I confessed my sins, repented, and gave my life to Jesus Christ. Fully and completely. I was saved, healed, and delivered from years of social anxiety and depression, and filled with the Holy Ghost…. on this dining room floor. God has done amazing things in my life since that moment in time. He brought me through trials and taught me to lean on Him especially in good times so I can withstand the hard times. The Holy Ghost has been faithful to teach me His Word, and I have been given a love for reading and studying His Word. Jesus has taught me how to listen to Him and Him alone and follow closely. He has taught me the power of fasting and prayer. He taught me that I can not fulfill His plans and purposes alone but that I need the likeminded. He taught me to love His church and allow them to love me. He taught me I needed pastors, teachers, evangelists, prophets, and apostles. I needed them all. He taught me who I was in Him.

In this dining room, I have said “Yes” and walked through His open doors to go to Romania, Tanzania, and Haiti, the streets of this town, the nursing home, the food pantries, across my own street. Small group meetings, Bible Studies, Prayer meetings, every sermon I have ever preached, and every ministry I have been allowed to serve in had their roots in this dining room. So many MIRACLES!!! My brother always falls asleep when he comes to my house. He says it is the most peaceful house he has ever entered…and as a pastor he has entered a few. It is peaceful – every room of this house has been anointed, every room prayed over, every room used by God somehow.

I have lived many places in my life, but I have lived on Baywoods Court longer than I have lived anywhere. Today we will finish packing and tomorrow, it will all be removed and put in storage until we close on our new home. It has been quite a long journey and continues but even this step (that I know is ordered by the LORD) began with a “YES” in this dining room.

In the next weeks, a young family will move to Baywoods Court. I hope they love it here. They are moving down here from New York to raise their two little boys and be close to their parents. God has great plans for their lives, and I know one day they will look back and realize too – it was all a Divine Setup.

Thy Kingdom come, Thy perfect will be done on Baywoods Court (and in my new home)…. as it is in Heaven. In Jesus’ precious and holy name I pray. Amen!!! Amen!!!

God blessed me in so many ways this weekend at our Women’s Retreat. These are four that blessed me and reminded me that the seeds God had me plant in their lives 15 years ago in a tiny prayer room (where we prayed and studied the Word of God and prayed some more…sometimes all night long) were now bearing fruit in not only their lives but the lives of those they now lead. Only God knows how we sometimes need a reminder.

What did He remind me of?
Prayer, the Word, Fellowship with the likeminded, Worship, the passion I once had to see Healing and deliverance. Oh yes, I always seek healing and deliverance but He reminded me of the PASSION. He reminded me of who I am in Him!!!

What did He show me in them? The Glory!!! During praise and worship I looked back. I knew they would be worshiping with flags but when I turned and saw – I saw the GLORY OF GOD. And His Glory took my breath away!!!

______

This worship flag was hand-painted for me by Michael Fickess – an artist, author, and Bible teacher at Morningstar Ministries. In that little prayer room, we often used flags, streamers, and banners in our worship and prayer times. For that reason, I have many and this very special one.

I am packing for a move next week, and here I sit with all of these flags. They have been in that closet for such a long time. To be honest they have been there for years. So, I had to ask myself these questions I have asked over and over these last weeks –

What good is anything that stays in the back of a closet? No matter the significance, no matter the memories of what God did, no matter how hard it feels to let go of something special??? No matter how difficult it can be to release what God has given you to another in a season you once were? What good is something left in the back of the closet that was given to be used? Even if you love it…or maybe especially if you love it?

Maybe sometimes the greatest act of worship is to release what God has given in a previous season to support and empower and make way for others in their season and their call.

I am in a different place in my life and in a different season, but my calling hasn’t changed and my heart hasn’t changed. I know who these will go to now – especially this extraordinary one. The picture doesn’t even do it justice, but I know some who will.

Home from Yorktown, VA. It felt like a whirlwind – packing up our offices to get ready for the move and closing down our practice—two days of intense work. We traveled through a tropical storm to get there and on the way home a car came in our lane and we almost had a head-on collision. Whew! Our time ended with Dan and I visiting with our friend and my business partner. It has been 33 years of friendship and 30 years working together in York Family Therapy. What a ride. Many, many great years and laughs. A few tough years and tears. Today I walked away having said goodbye to the business, although there is still much I must do. Goodbye seems necessary to get it done.

I also walked away knowing unless God intervenes, in all likelihood, I will never see this man – my friend and business partner – again. So, I said everything over again that I needed to say and had already said quite a few times.

Can I tell you a little bit about this man? His is the most compassionate heart mixed with the most brilliant mind I have ever known. He has always been so giving and I always felt like he gave too much away. He always listened, laughed at me, and gave it anyway.

His mind is something else. He indeed has the mind of a genius…but today he couldn’t remember how to do the simplest of tasks or recall the best of memories. The hardest part of all though was when he told me he knew that he once could remember all of what he can’t today. He tried so hard but it wasn’t there. Trying made him very confused. You could see his despair and I tried to hide mine as best as I could.

He then leaned forward and said, “visiting hours are over.” Haha. I laughed but he was serious. So I prayed for him, hugged him, and told him I loved him and was so glad he was a part of my life. He smiled a little and thanked me for coming and all the work I did at the office. I said that is what friends do, right? And he said, yes. I said, well, then if friends do that, friends that are business partners should do double and for free. He looked at me funny. Did he understand? Hard to say…but I knew he always chuckled when I said things like that because he’s a giver and didn’t want to be outgiven (if there is such a thing).

Some friends you have for a lifetime, and even if your lives change drastically and work goes virtual, when you do see each other, you can pick up where you left off as best you can. The circumstances might be difficult, but somehow friendship has a way of flowing. I thought today’s visit would be hard, and some parts were, but most of it flowed despite circumstances and the hardest part (for me) was walking out that door.

Please pray for him and his family.

This week began with the plan to shut down our Pastoral Counseling offices at the end of September. It was a hard decision, but necessary as the health of my business partner, DST, continues to decline. The plan was set but then suddenly yesterday I had to say we cannot wait. It was just too much for him. Hearing my justifications, he quietly agreed. I believe he was waiting on me to take that stand against his wants and my wants and make a decision in his best interest and those of our clients.

See, he was trying to work until next year when I would be able to retire. That was his plan, but it was just too much for him now. It was therefore too much for our clients. So many lives were clearly in the balance and continuing would go against everything we stood for and built on. 

What did we build on? Excellence in therapy and compassion for those who often hurt the worst but won’t often admit it – Pastors, Pastor’s Families, the Military, and military families. These were our clients. The centers were two businesses built upon our deepest wounds in these two specific areas. And yesterday, I heard in my heart, his own cry that he just couldn’t admit.

So…today was the first day of his retirement. I still have the offices to close and hundreds of various tasks and then we will see.

God has a plan. I started our pastoral counseling center 30 years ago, along with DST, a friend who was also my pastor, who was also a pastoral and professional counselor. He did the counseling and the training of counselors. I did everything else. He had Divinity and Counseling degrees. I had Business Management degrees. He was Clinical Partner. I was Administrative Partner. We and our many other associates were at one time the largest counseling practice in the state. And then one practice turned into two practices. We gave these special nonprofit counseling centers everything we had. Our families did too. Our time, our finances, our gifts, and our love. Our children grew up alongside us as we worked. As they could, it provided their first jobs. These businesses/ministries gave us back a life with great purpose, and that has been one of my greatest joys. How many lives can you touch in 30 years? They are countless. Truly this was a gift from God.

Now I am 60 years old and it is 30 years later. Here I sit reminiscing. I have peace even in the midst of so many feelings.

My mind goes to one of our office mottos – Principles have no value, if they don’t have a cost. 

That is so true today! Oh, the costs to stand on the principles of excellence and demonstrations of love. Oh, the costs!

Then my heart takes over and rejoices louder than my mind cries, with a verse I shared earlier this week. 

The Lord giveth and He taketh away. Blessed be the Name of the LORD! Blessed be the Name of the LORD! 

And when my heart starts to falter then my soul takes it’s stand and screams to the top of it’s lungs – THY WILL BE DONE!!!! In DSTs life, in our families’ lives. THY WILL BE DONE in my life as it is in heaven. THY WILL BE DONE!!! Thy will be done!!! 

All we can ask and all we can ever need is right there. When I feel I have nothing else…this I have and this I know. It is everything to me tonight. Four “little” words I have prayed over and over these last five years of this journey. I’ve prayed it and others have prayed it. So many have prayed and so I have to believe I am seeing it manifest –

Thy Will be done! Amen! Amen

Today my mom and I talked about the church I first remembered attending as a little girl—Calvary Baptist Church in Brunswick, GA. She took me to their FB page and flipped through pictures they had listed as Memories. And there it was. What she wanted me to see.

My Daddy! A picture of my daddy with some boys he taught in what was known as RA’s or Royal Ambassadors. They looked to be on a camping trip or a day trip with several groups of boys. Wow!

The picture above is the only photograph I know of with my Daddy involved in ministry. I have many images in my mind and heart, but this photo reminds me of his heart and who he was. He hadn’t been saved long, but he was doing what he could for Jesus. He would grow in his walk with the Lord, surrender his life to the ministry, plant missions on the Indian Reservations on the islands in the Puget Sound of Washington State, and then later pastor two churches – one in Burlington, WA and one in Wise, NC.

This picture reminds me of a man I loved with my whole heart and grieved over for decades. If you know me, you know a lot about my daddy. Here are some things that come to mind.

-My love of the Word and studying the Bible came from sitting in his office and watching him study; from reading his handwritten notes in writing only a few of us could read.
-My love of serving came first because every time we had a visitor at the pastorium, he allowed me to make and bring them coffee. At the time, I thought coffee smelled so bad, but I loved being able to help, and often they would let me stay and visit (but I have to be quiet unless spoken to).
-My love for the elderly came because he took me into nursing homes every Sunday to visit as he preached there.
-My love for prayer came because he had us on our knees praying every morning and every night. No excuses!
-My reverence for the House of God came because we cleaned a large church while Dad attended college for his ministry degree. He had a schedule of chores for each of us every day. We did them faithfully and to his standard and with great reverence. No playing around in the church or cutting corners. Did it matter that we were young teenagers? No, it didn’t. If you have no reverence for the House of God, take some time and clean it. God will bless you mightily as He did me.
-My love for missions, missionaries, and church planters came because we went on to those Reservations with my Dad and helped him plant the missions. I taught Sunday School and Vacation Bible School when honestly, I was a child myself.
-My love for hurting people came because my daddy brought people home for breakfast that he found in ditches and sleeping on benches. He went to the highways and byways.

Oh, this doesn’t even touch the surface. I could go on and on…

When my dad died, there was a part of me that the enemy tried to put to death with him—my legacy. I have looked at ministry families and seen their legacies, and wondered what about mine. Dad died, and my brother grabbed the legacy and carried on. Mike is a mighty man of God. I have asked God why the enemy was allowed to steal mine. Well…today I saw my Dad’s picture. Tangible evidence of his beginnings, and I know how far God took my dad and honestly took all of us with him because our family was a team. My dad never did much ministry that we weren’t all very much a part of.

In this picture, I see my Dad, and I see my legacy. And do you know what I learned about myself from it? I realized I am already living it and have been. What’s more I am working toward leaving one myself. Thanks, Dad, for all you gave me and all you left me with. Thank You, Jesus, and mom for blessing me so much today.

My husband lost his hearing back in October and a month ago he received hearing aids. During our family vacation his hearing aids failed. These were my thoughts this morning regarding this. Please remember this was a family vacation with three families, not all with the same beliefs and values as ours. What came of my husband’s loss (once again and in the middle of vacation) of his ability to hear?

He didn’t hear –
the fighting
the whining
the complaining
the critiques
the sarcasm
the impatience
the backtalk
the political discussions
the bullying
the crying
the bad news
the problems
the 1:30am fireworks 
the wind, and rain, and the thunder

But he also didn’t hear –
the conversations
the laughter
the songs
the prayers
the “i love you”s
the empathy
the blessings
the encouragement
the support
the silly grandkid jokes
the stories
the memories of vacations past
the fireworks
the sounds of the waves crashing, the seagulls, the delight of children catching their first fish.

Sometimes there are bad things connected with good. We have to sort it all out, and that sorting is a part of life. The way we see sort says a lot about us at times. What seems terrible here was actually good in some ways, yet was it? I can sort with my hearing, but my husband no longer has that option. My husband wasn’t sad to miss the fighting and such. I don’t think at the time he realized all of the rest of what he missed, and that made me sad for him, and us all.

I do have a new appreciation of many things I once took for granted would be there. I also am very aware now just how fast life can change. It is very hard to be unable to hear, but it is also hard to be unheard. What happens in families, churches, communities affects all, if it affects one – (or it should). 

Lord, I thank You for the help of hearing aids, but man’s solutions are not perfect, and now they have failed. Father, I ask you to please restore my husband’s hearing. Thank You for the ability to hear and that I know healing and hearing are Your perfect will. Help me always to have gratitude for the gifts Jesus paid the price for on the Cross. Healing, Hearing, Salvation. Thank You! So, I ask for Dan’s healing…In Jesus’ Name. If Your will is a greater work in our lives than hearing or miracles would be….Father God, please give us patience in the waiting. Heavenly Father, I would rather have Dan hear You than me, so have Your will in both our lives. Thank You for all those that You have placed in our lives that stand with us in prayer. Bless them abundantly, Lord, as they have been a blessing to me in so many ways. I ask this all in Jesus Name, and I am happy I know You can hear me today. Amen! Amen!

The Challenges
On January 1, I took a 100-day Blogging Challenge. Today is the 182nd day. I have just kept on posting daily. What a journey!!! Some days the writing has flowed, and some days it has taken all day long (literally). But, by the close of every day, I have posted what I feel God laid on my heart and so I knew every single minute was worth it. I write primarily about what I receive from the Holy Ghost while reading aloud the One-Year Daily Bible (KJV), what I have studied in response to questions from the reading, what God has laid on my heart during my time in my tiny prayer closet, my struggles along the way, my victories. Each day I have also created and posted an original scripture picture using the verse that most touched me that day. These are not someone else’s pictures but totally my own with the watermark – Melissa Lynne.

From Glory to Glory
“From Glory to Glory,” His Word says. I took the 100-day Blogging Challenge because I was in a place at the first of the year that I felt like I needed something that was my own. My kids and grandkids were in the process of moving away, my husband suddenly couldn’t hear which made communication almost impossible, and I felt so lonely and was fighting so many mind battles that I was weary. In a moment of incredible heartache and confusion, I went to the only one that could help me. I asked God to help me find my focus again. I wanted to focus on Him, focus in prayer and focus on the Word. I wanted to be on FIRE for GOD and the things of GOD.

Well, I asked and He answered. He challenged me to get up every morning and go into the prayer closet and then immerse myself into His Word. Not only reading it but reading it aloud and seeking for understanding. He challenged me to yield to the Holy Ghost as He taught me. I took the challenge and as I stepped out to begin, the 100-Day Blogging Challenge came. I felt it was directly from my Heavenly Father. Something of my very own? Well, it was His direction to me and it was so personal at the time. Because of that, until this week, I have told absolutely no one, except Him. But this week I felt His release. Of course, anyone that reads my blog knew that I was suddenly posting every day and so they knew.

The Results of the Challenges
I thought as blogging goes, the process might help my writing. Maybe it did, maybe it didn’t. I have learned not to worry too much about whether everything is perfect. I write to glorify God only. I don’t worry if anyone else reads it or gets what I write. I just go with what comes into my heart and leave it at that. Some days I write a lot and other days no more than the Scriptures He highlights, a prayer, and a picture. I have readers from 135 nations across the world. The faithfulness of a handful of followers from around the world has been my greatest surprise. The community of bloggers that I follow and interact with have also helped me to grow in Christ and in the Word…as well as blogging.

One hundred and eighty-two straight days on this path and it is has changed me, given me focus, toughened me up, and drawn me closer to Jesus than I ever thought possible. The Bible has come alive to me and God is weaving His story together for me and with me in ways I never quite got in Sunday School or through Bible Studies. There is something so special about reading the Word aloud and knowing that if I continue on this year I will be hearing every single Word of God’s Word come out of my own mouth.

Half Way Through the Year
Today is July 1 and we are officially half way through the year and halfway through the Bible. We all have lots of resolutions at the first of the year but how about looking at the second half in the same way. What will you do with the rest of this year?

Something Not My Own, But Totally His!
For me – Tomorrow is day 183 and I will start it like I have every single morning for the last 182 days. First in prayer, then reading the Word aloud, digging into the Word further to answer any questions that arise, and writing all about it (all as I sit alongside my Jesus). Then I will create a picture as I plant one special verse into my heart. I wanted something of my own. Did I get that? Kind of…but mostly I got something that was not my own, but totally His…so I got so much more. Thank You Jesus for taking me with You on this incredible journey!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Ask of Me, and I will assuredly give [You] the nations as Your inheritance, And the ends of the earth as Your possession. ~ Psalm 2:8

Andorra 🇦🇩
Afghanistan 🇦🇫
Benin 🇧🇯
Burkina Faso 🇧🇫
Burundi 🇧🇮
Central African Republic 🇨🇫
Chad 🇹🇩
Comoros 🇰🇲
Djibouti 🇩🇯
Equatorial Guinea 🇬🇶
Eritrea 🇪🇷
Gabon 🇬🇦
Gambia 🇬🇲
Guinea 🇬🇳
Guinea-Bissau 🇬🇼
Guyana 🇬🇾
Holy See 🇻🇦
Iran 🇮🇷
Kazakhstan 🇰🇿
Kiribati 🇰🇮
Kyrgyzstan 🇰🇬
Laos 🇱🇦
Liechtenstein 🇱🇮
Mali 🇲🇱
Marshall Islands 🇲🇭
Micronesia 🇫🇲
Monaco 🇲🇨
Mongolia 🇲🇳
Montenegro 🇲🇪
Nauru 🇳🇷
Niger 🇳🇪
North Korea 🇰🇵
North Macedonia 🇲🇰
Palau 🇵🇼
Palestine (State of) 🇵🇸
San Marino 🇸🇲
Somalia 🇸🇴
Sudan 🇸🇩
Syria 🇸🇾
Tajikistan 🇹🇯
Timor-Leste 🇹🇱
Togo 🇹🇬
Tonga 🇹🇴
Turkmenistan 🇹🇲
Tuvalu 🇹🇻
Uzbekistan 🇺🇿
Vanuatu 🇻🇺

Congo
DR Congo
Eswatini
Say Tome & Principe

(originally published on 6/8/2020 with most recent updates on 3/28/2022)