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Hiding His Word in My Heart Today

I am a huge supporter of the One Year Bible plans and such as that. Without these many would just flip open the Bible and while God can and does speak that way, many like myself need more order. Although I am opting for the year long plan so that I can dig a little deeper this year, my favorite plan so far is actually the 90 day Bible Challenge. I really enjoyed reading from the first page of the Bible all the way to the last page, although I do prefer to read in a translation other than the one they suggest. The 90 day plan is less distracting than other plans when it comes to seeing how things tie together in the Bible…book to book, Old Testament to New Testament, Beginning to End. 2012 was a year that the Lord told me to put aside all other books and read only His Word. I did and I truly enjoyed spending extended periods of time reading straight through several times. Granted my plan was more of the 120 day plan.

Like weight loss, exercise, and other things we try to begin in the New Year, people often begin their year so enthusiastic and determined to read through the Bible again or for the first time. It goes pretty well for a while and then you hit end of February and March and challenging books like the books of Leviticus and Numbers and some of the others of the Old Testament stop many in their tracks. With the 90 day challenge plans you are through these in a couple of days but with the year long plans unless you determine in your heart ahead of time to persevere when it gets tough…you probably don’t.

There is a great saying regarding what is going on in the world and regarding the Word and that is that, “We have read the end of the Book.” I have heard people say that a lot recently. It is true. If we know the end of the story then we know that Jesus Christ is victorious! Sad truth is though that many have not actually read the end of the book. They didn’t make it that far. Some are going totally on what they have heard from others rather than a true revelation that they themselves have gleaned from the Word. For some if they did read the end, they have only really just read the beginning and the end. They don’t have a grasp of what is in between Genesis and Revelation, save the Bible stories told to us as children and the Gospels that all churches focus on during Christmas and Easter. If the only thing you hear is the Gospel surely that is more than enough… but so many are missing so much that the Lord Himself has provided us that could help them tremendously to understand and to walk out this earthly journey until we do get to the end.

I find myself praying for those seeking a closer walk with God that started a One Year Bible plan on 1/1/13. I pray that they would do what it takes to persevere through the tough chapters. I know I have spent many a morning reading it aloud, reading it standing up, or both. I say, do what it takes. Get an attitude of NEVERTHELESS!!! His Word will not come back void, that is His promise!!! It is also His promise that you will be changed from GLORY to GLORY. Whenever you come into the presence of God through prayer, or service, or worship or the Word…you are changed. PROMISED!!!

You are in my prayers and I ask for yours as we all press on…

_________________________

and today through His Word in Numbers, Mark, Psalms and Proverbs – He spoke directly to me regarding issues of my heart and issues of the hearts of those I allow to speak into my life. Some of what is spoken are words of darkness (things like complaining and criticism) going into my ears and/or coming out of my mouth instead of words of light and truth and praise. Words that kindle His anger and grieve His Spirit instead of words that make Him smile and rejoice.

My prayers and meditations from today’s Word is:

Psalm 51:8 “Make me to hear joy and gladness, that the bone which thou has broken may rejoice.”

Psalm 51:15 “O Lord, open my lips; and my mouth shall shew forth thy praise.”

Well, probably should just read all of Psalm 51. It says so much…like Psalm 51:6

Numbers 11:1 – and when the people complained it displeased the Lord: and the Lord hear it; and His anger was kindled. Number 11:10 – Then Moses heard the people weep throughout their families, every man in the door of his tent; and the anger of the Lord was kindled greatly: also Moses was displeased. (complaining, whining)

Mark 14:4 – and there were some that had indignation within themselves, and said why was this waste of the ointment used?  (Criticism)

Mark 14:4-9 my thoughts – Then Jesus rebukes the disciples for their criticism.

This also struck me although off topic. In Mark 14:16 it says, “and he sought how he might conveniently betray him.”  That word “conveniently” made me incredibly sad. To be betrayed is one thing but conveniently betrayed. I wonder how often we conveniently betray or disobey or sin in any way?!?

Conveniently: ease in use, easy, comfortable, at hand, easily acceptable, hand.

Proverbs 10-11 The mouth of the just bringeth forth wisdom: but the froward tongues shall be cut out. The lips of the righteous know what is acceptable: but the mouth of the wicked speaketh frowardness.

Froward: willfully contrary; not easily managed; obstinate, wayward, difficult, fractious.

Only God could have prepared such a feast for me for this morning.

Psalm 51:10 “Create in me a clean heart, O God; and renew a right spirit within me.”

Psalm 51:17 “The sacrifices of God are a broken spirit: a broken and contrite heart, O God, thou wilt not despise.

Help me oh Lord to apply this Word to my life today. In Jesus precious and holy and magnificent Name, I pray….AMEN!!

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My Inheritance

He shall choose our inheritance for us, the excellency of Jacob whom He loved. Selah.”  ~ Psalm 47:4

The Lord has been so gracious to allow me to be in His presence in places where He has chosen to show up through His signs, His wonders and His miracles. I know I am blessed and that He has used these times and situations to increase my faith. I have seen miracles of healing, miracles of food multiplied, I have experienced and seen deliverance from depression and anxiety and addiction. I long for the day that those that are God’s own children will not be as those from Jesus’ hometown, expecting so little and so receiving and seeing little of God’s power in their lives and communities.

I think so many think of God as sooooo familiar. Meaning they think they know all there is to know because they have sat in church and think they know all the stories. The Bible says though that the stories could fill volumes though so no way we could know them all. And there are also many other things which Jesus did, the which, if they should be written every one, I suppose that even the world itself could not contain the books that should be written. John 21:25. Yes, in many ways God is familiar but in many, many more ways or probably most ways, He is a God that we can not define or put into our little box or our little human minds. He is infinite and yet reachable. He can reach out to the most scholarly yet has made His gospel simple enough for a very small child. He is a mystery and yet tells us He wants to be known. He is magnificent but humble; the Lion and also the Lamb.

After a wonderful Sunday where God moved through our pastors to give the Word, I am pondering today His call on my life and how to apply His Word. I know in part what God can do and am confident in the Word and that He can do infinitely more….but there are times when I wonder how it will all come to pass since I wasted so much of my life and talents and resources on temporal things and the roadblocks seem endless. Will I go to my grave reminding myself not to look back with regret? Will these roadblocks turn out to actually be the steps to what has been prepared?  Though I am a person that is pretty focused and committed still I wonder sometimes. I was thinking along these lines this morning and I felt my Father pose a question to me. He told me upfront that it was hypothetical but He told me to take it seriously nonetheless. The question was this…Excluding praise and worship, reading my Bible and prayer and excluding all otherhuman opinion, if I could do only ONE thing of service for Him all the rest of the days of my earthly life, what would I do and why?

It was early so I had the time at 4:30am to ponder these things, but it wasn’t necessary. I immediately knew my answer. If I could only do one thing of service — I would feed the hungry.  I know you think now I am talking feeding the hungry physically and spiritually but I am actually mostly talking in the physical.  I would feed the hungry real solid food and pray that God, in His mercy, would give me also opportunity and ways to feed them spiritually as He saw their need and mine.

Why?

Because long before He told me to preach or pray, He told me “you give them something to eat” from Matthew 14:16, Mark 6:19, and Luke 9:13. When God spoke this to me, it was one of the first times I ever heard God speak directly to me through His written Word. It stuck with me. On looking over these last years, I have found that from my obedience to“you give them something to eat”  has come most of the miracles, signs and wonders that I have been allowed to see and from obedience to that command, I have been given opportunity to share the Word and pray with people and I have been able to see people saved. Real true lasting fruit. From obedience to that command I have met people that live in their cars and in the woods and I have also met hungry ministers. I have been allowed to minister to those that have given their lives for the Gospel but found themselves being fed through my hand but in that moment of divine appointment (and I believe that is what it was), I found them there feeding me in such beautiful ways. Truly I tell you, from obedience to that command “you give them something to eat” I, myself, have been fed and sustained by God and have felt the presence and LOVE of GOD HIMSELF through them toward me. It was never just me allowing the love of God through me. He gave me love through them. 

I find myself now in a season where I am removed and separated at least for a time from that kind of ministry and there are days I grieve. Not because I miss a ministry but because I miss the people and what they brought into my life. I miss the faith that desperation brings into a people. I miss the mutual need. God transformed my heart of prejudice and gave me love and acceptance and compassion. He gave me understanding. In return so many of the people also accepted me and loved me back. For so many once a month I was friend or mama figure or prayer partner. They were daily in my prayers and that prayer created a bond. I look for them always when I drive the streets of Gastonia. I am so hopeful when I don’t see them out there. I made it a point to know their names and their children’s names and their situations and their hearts. I miss their hearts. I miss their hugs. I miss their stories. I miss how they bonded to others and how they helped their neighbors. They grabbed the concept we know as “church” so much better  than most. They were rich in ways I think few know. 

A verse that struck me this morning during those early hours with the Lord was this: Psalm 47:4, “He shall choose our inheritance for us, the excellency of Jacob whom He loved. Selah.”  I have always loved that promise. I have always asked the Lord for the nations but my inheritance is His choice. When someone leaves you an inheritance it is their choice as to what they leave each person. The poor and the poor in spirit are my inheritance…this I know though I can’t fully explain all of what that means yet or how my wonderful Father wants me to take care of this precious gift he leaves me.

Selah! [pause, and calmly think of that]
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The Life That’s Left

When I stand at the judgment seat of Christ
and He shows me His plan for me-
The plan of my life as it might have been
had He had His way – and I see
How I blocked Him here, and checked Him there
and would not yield my will,
Shall I see grief in my Savior’s eyes;
grief, though He loves me still?
He would have me rich, but I stand there poor,
stripped of all but His grace –
While my memory runs like a hunted thing,
down the paths I can’t retrace.
Then my desolate heart will well nigh break
with tears that I cannot shed.
I’ll cover my face with my empty hands
and bow my uncrowned head.
Now, Lord of the life that’s left to me,
I yield it to Thy hand.
Take me, make me, mold me,
to the pattern Thou hast planned.

-Author Unknown

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Chinks In My Armor

I seem to have a recurring conversation with God that goes something like this: What can one woman at my age and my life stage even do? That conversation tends to expose some of the many issues of my heart. It exposes the fears I still harbor. These fears try to stop me in my tracks and hinder me from walking out the dreams of my Father for me.

As a wife and mother, I am afraid for the upheaval of our lives. That I will do something to destroy rather than build up our home. As an individual, I am afraid of the loss of “security.” That I would lose part of a business I have obsessively worked to build in search of a life that mattered. I have built an entire business around trying to make my father’s death a death that somehow and for someone wasn’t in vain. And, perhaps the most powerful fear of all, as a servant and daughter, I am afraid that I actually have nothing to really offer, and thus, I will be exposed. That I will learn that I should have sat quietly and left it to the men, afterall….or at least to those that are more (more youthful, more mature, more prepared, more creative, more talented, more intelligent, more holy, more…)

These are the areas of inner turmoil, the chinks in my armor that open channels for prayer. Prayer changes things. However, always before I leave my knees, I know this particular conversation is in many ways futile because I am still going. Wherever I am led and NEVERTHELESS. I know it is a choice but I seem to be in a place that is past choices. God assures me in these moments that the very things I am so afraid will destroy or expose are exactly what He will use to build, strengthen and heal…for His glory!

And so I get up once again from prayer time determined again to leave forever those fears that actually do expose that my own plans and hopes and ideas aren’t quite dead. Did fears and flesh take a deathly blow today? I pray so.

Another step closer…I press on!

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Home

Last Saturday I was asked to give a testimony and preach a short message. Testimonies are awesome and I am so happy for what the Lord did in my life but I look at my past only to glorify God and to testify of His mercy and goodness; only to remember His greatness; only to help others see Him and know if He did it for me, He can and will do it for them that they may live a life of liberty in Him. So giving a testimony of my life before Christ is for me almost like peering through the keyhole of a long closed and sealed door. It does not harm because I don’t personally go into that place, but it is a little awkward as I prepare to see it all as a different person with a different vision. Nevertheless, I am always glad to testify and share His Word as they are forever connected and I am so appreciative of the opportunity. 

Here is something that struck me though…it came time to introduce me and I was asked, where I was from. I didn’t exactly know what to say and it caused something to rise up to the surface of my heart. hmmm… I didn’t see that coming. I live in Gastonia, NC, yes, for about 7 years now. I was born in Rutherfordton, NC. As I child we lived in many places (about 15 to be honest) with our family settling in Shelby, NC after the death of my father. I lived for 20 years in Virginia and loved it. 

But my heart? My heart? It has only one notable rhythm, and it will always belong in one place…and one place only. Home is where my Father is! It is the only real home to me. Maybe some will think I am throwing out a cliche but I am being very real. I have no other home and heart connection. My loved ones are indeed that and I love them so dearly but they don’t define home to me. My pastor talked about an eaglet bonding to it’s parent and that it would bond to the first thing that it knew upon it’s birth. I am like that little eaglet – the first thing I knew when I was born again was my Father! I was reborn in His arms in my dining room and my first wondrous hours of real life were truly only with Him. That is where I first learned His voice. Deep within I feel I know I was born of my Father, before I ever was. So His voice is familiar, though not. I get that so totally and I don’t even know how I do get it…but I do. Heaven has a way of getting into you pretty deep and staying there. I long for heaven even though I am happy to be on earth for a season. This world is not home though, never has been! I think that is why we struggle in the flesh…we are trying to make it something it can never be. This earth is just a path on this journey. This flesh just flesh…dirt and dust. If I look like I am out of place, I am.

______

Here is my one sentence testimony:

I am crucified with Christ: nevertheless I live; yet not I, but Christ liveth in me: and the life which I now live in the flesh I live by the faith of the Son of God, who loved me, and gave himself for me. Galatians 2:20

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Dream of 12/5/2012

Dream – We were going to visit someone in a very large apt complex for a Christmas party. It wasn’t present day, it was future because I was older in the dream. (Not sure how I know I was older, just was). It was obvious that it was a complex but each unit had different driveways of varying lengths. We had to park in a very dark communal parking lot and then walk up the drive way to get to the apt complex we were visiting. There was no lighting along the driveway and so it was very dark as well. As we approached the apt we were visiting I could see the occupant because of a very dim light that she had on. This woman had blonde hair to her shoulders – not anyone that I know but I have a very clear picture of her.

I woke up during this dream and immediately thought of the complexes of Romania. Not sure that the dream image was like the image of those in Romania but my mind just went immediately there. The complexes there used to be communist housing but now are still housing but each owned individually. Very, very small living quarters. We stayed in one when we were there on a mission trip.

Seeking the Lord on what it means because I asked Him if it was important to keep it in my mind. Thoughts welcomed!

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Freedom Is Not Free – and why I do the job I do!

I honor my dad, the late Gary Lynch Frazier, for his service to our country. My father served in the US Navy, had some mental health issues and was honorably discharged without treatment. He commited suicide years later and after a long battle with the government, the government took responsibility for his death because they failed to treat him though their doctors alone fully knew his condition. They then gave him the ultimate honor and they gave us survivor’s benefits.

My dad’s death was not in vain as that battle was groundbreaking and it laid the foundation of the current mental health system for our Vets and the military and families today. Before dad’s death and our family’s battle, mental health care for those suffering was non-existent. Freedom is not free.

Thanks dad from all of those that don’t even know your name… but that you are helping…especially in these days. Happy Veterans Day!

and for those that don’t know….this is why I do the job I do!!!!!

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Sacrifice of Praise

There are times when I am standing in worship and when I close my eyes I see the Cross.  What the Lord has done for me remains so fresh that it makes me want to cry. As we sing about the ‘”wonderful cross”  or the “Lamb of God'”, I am once again standing there confronted with my sin -broken again before Him.  When the worship team shifts to rejoicing and proclaiming our freedom and our victory because of what Jesus did on the Cross, as the beat starts, that my body automatically just wants to move. There isn’t much in me that is still because I hear His voice, whispering to my heart, “come and worship Me with a sacrifice of praise.”  I just feel then in my heart the desire to dance or to dance with a banner or to do something like a kind of run around the room (although I prefer to see it as floating…some of you who know me well have seen the float :). Not always of course, but sometimes. 

Although I’m naturally terrified of what others might think, what are my options??? – either honoring God or staying safe? Safety is such a snare. Safety has caused me to dismiss His Words. Safety has caused me to dance in the hallways or behind closed doors. Safety has caused me to be ashamed. Safety has caused me to allow others to intimidate me, to silence me.

My desires for my remaining days on this earth are anything but safe so I have to start a change somewhere. I truly do know that as I step out in faith, a wonderful thing happens; fear fades, people disappear at least for a time, and I am able to just dance before my God with all my might and to feel His pleasure.  There is deliverance in that same dance. There is power and authority.

Often I am reminded of Zephaniah 3:17 “…[I] will rejoice over you with singing” and I picture God singing over me as I overcome all obstacles and distractions.

It is not about me, or you, or any of the other people who may or may not be watching. It has nothing to do with my ability to dance. It has nothing to do with what song is being sung or played. It is joyous. It is reverent. It is as a prayer, a testimony, a praise, a sorrow, a song, a shout. It is like most things the Lord asks of me. His asking is definitely not dependent on my ability. He asks me to pray although I am not such a good pray-er. He asks me to sing although sometimes my voice cracks, if I can make a sound at all; He asks me to hide His Word in my heart although memorizing is such a task these days; He asks me to preach although honestly I don’t really know how or why He wants that; He asks me to pursue miracles of healing and deliverance although I see so much opposition and unbelief; He asks me to love although sometimes even my own heart seems very calloused from a life of seeing and hearing too much; He asks me to persevere in all He asks although some would call me crazy, legalistic, zealous. He asks me to persevere though change comes so slowly it seems; He asks me to run although many would never pull away from their seat; He asks me to dance although many feel it best to be still. Of these things He asks anyway! I respond. It is about a God who desires that we worship Him from an obedient, broken, and contrite heart.

Pressing on…

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Dream of 10/27/2012

He that hath an ear, let him hear what the Spirit saith unto the churches; To him that overcometh will I give to eat of the tree of life, which is in the midst of the paradise of God. Revelation 2:7

Earlier this week, I stated that I really wanted to eat from the tree of life. Yesterday I had a dream regarding that.

In the dream I was still at the beach house but it was so familiar as though I lived there as my residence. I was out and about trying to get to the Tree of Life but kept running into obstacles.

I came across a young girl (withholding name) that was taking many pictures of each of us there and many pictures of everything that we were doing. She wanted me to stand there and look at each and every picture that she had on her camera. We started through each one and it was tedious but we just stood there looking as she scrolled through them.

We had almost seen them all when overhead we saw a futuristic airplane that seemed to be propelled by a circular wheel type gadget on the very back of it. It looked like a missile but in my dream i knew it was for passengers. It flew very close over our heads. It was followed by a round oil tanker that was as an airplane. As the oil tanker flew over very bright and very hot blasts of flames came out of the top and bottom toward things on the earth. As different things moved it burned them completely and instantly up. We also had to dodge these flames.

My son had a lot of electronic things but electricity surged through them and they would not work. Someone came to tow our car and they loaded all of our things that we owned onto a trailer that was also attached to the tow truck. They were moving all of our things but we weren’t going with our things. I could see all of the electronic gadgets surrounding the perimeter of our other possesions. Even though none of the electronic gadgets worked because of the surge, I felt I had to go and retrieve all of those electronics. Nothing else. It was like a compulsion and I couldn’t not save those particular things.

We were very hungry so we went to Cracker Barrel to eat but got so consumed with the things in the store part of the restaurant that we neglected to eat. We were on a strict schedule and it was time for us to leave- we never did eat, even though we were hungry. We didn’t buy anything either. Just spent our time looking at the merchandise. We went to leave Cracker Barrel and to get out we had to go through a huge maze of tunnels and stairs to get out. When we finally got out I stood there…

Then I sort of half way woke up but I was still dreaming and my thought was…I never even got to see the Tree of Life and I didn’t get to eat of it. I was incredibly sad with a groaning sadness. Very deep! Sadness from the depths.

I had a heaviness on me and I felt urgency.

Still dreaming I felt awake but wanted to go back to sleep but I couldn’t because I felt the Lord wanted me to get up and write this all down and He wasn’t going to allow me go back to sleep until I did. His Word regarding this dream was “mandated” and when I heard that I knew in my spirit it was important and I must follow through.

I got myself awake enough to get into my office and I wrote it all down as it was in my dream quickly and in fractioned sentences all over a page.

Then I went and laid down on the couch and went back to sleep.

(Mandate: the formal notice of decision)

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A Hard Truth

Good morning! Hallelujah! Glory be to God!

The Holy Spirit has been speaking with me on a particular subject for a time. I may not get any “likes” on this one, but this is information that will set someone free. It is on areas of our lives that are huge stumbling blocks that you may not have considered. I know I hadn’t.

One of these blocks is dissension. Dissension is a disagreement or disapproval; a kind of rebellion. Dissension is a form of division that brings forth separation. One area of dissension God wants to deal with is misunderstandings and gossip. Sometimes calling friends or a co-laborer in Christ and constantly venting our heart about the same issue and/or the same person is a form of dissension. EVEN if what you see or experience or say is right there is a way to handle it. I fell into this so many times but the Lord has woken me up and the scales have been removed. Dissension occurs when we:

Gossip

Slander

Do not forgive

Falsely accuse

Misinterpret

Become offended

Become jealous

etc.

Dissension can happen in your home, your church, and your job. Dissension can happen when we insist that our opinion be heard and agreed upon. Dissension can open you up to curses if you aren’t careful. Sometimes we think it is the enemy, but in reality, it could be something you said about someone or what is in your heart that allowed the enemy to come in. There is always room for repentance and we all must in this critical hour learn to truly repent and then learn to take our thoughts captive so that what builds in our hearts and thus comes out of our mouths is pleasing to our Father.

And be careful because other people sowing dissension can also end up hindering YOU.

Galatians 5:19-21 Now the works of the flesh are manifest, which are these; Adultery, fornication, uncleanness, lasciviousness, Idolatry, witchcraft, hatred, variance, emulations, wrath, strife, seditions, heresies, Envyings, murders, drunkenness, revellings, and such like: of the which I tell you before, as I have also told you in time past, that they which do such things shall not inherit the kingdom of God.

The Holy Ghost had me look up every one of these words to get an understanding of what each meant and to cast light on the dark areas of my heart. Wow! Some really hit hard when I looked at the meaning…seditions – dissensions, was one of them. I even wonder how many times I fostered dissension by being a listening ear to such.

Look them up and check your own heart because it says in this passage of the Bible that if we do any of these we will not inherit the Kingdom of God. That is hard truth! But someone once told me truth hurts before that same truth changes you to look more like Jesus.

If you didn’t know, now you know.