God has done amazing things in my life over the last 24 hours to encourage me and remind me that He hears, He cares, He answers prayer, and He has and always had a plan for me and for my life…and His plans are very specific and personal.
Earlier this week, I was in a state of desperation in prayer. I felt that loneliness necessary for going deeper places with God. Necessary, but painful to the core. I cried out to God during morning prayer on Monday and asked Him to please have someone pray in agreement with Him for me! Nothing seemed to come of the prayer right then, but later I felt a lifting of the despair. Although the burden was still present and I could see it, I knew I was no longer the one carrying it.
Yesterday my mom brought me a letter she had found in a box. It was written in 1980 and it was to me from my Religion professor at Gardner-Webb University. Dr. Ronnie Prevost was my professor but also went to my church. Over the few years I knew him, not only was he my professor but he was my Sunday School teacher and also a father figure. I babysat his kids, so I was close to his wife and all of his family. They loved me. When the boy that I thought I would marry showed up on my birthday with another girl Dr. Prevost is the one that saw how that sent me into a spiral of destructive behavior. My heart was broken and his heart was broken for me as he truly thought of me and treated me as a daughter. In the letter he wrote these words, “Melissa, you need to find your own special place and purpose in this world. You need to do your best to move forward. Just do your best, ok? And Melissa, always keep in mind Proverbs 3:6 ‘In all thy ways acknowledge him, and he shall direct thy paths.’”
That touched my heart to be reminded of how God has ALWAYS put into my path the spiritual parents, friends, and teachers needed to help with that particular part of the path…as I acknowledged Him. My dad died in 1975. The Prevost family was a major part of my life from 1977-1981 when they moved away to work at a college in Alabama. Sometimes I forget all the people God has woven together in His great plan to help raise me and encourage me, correct me and love me. Now please don’t misunderstand, I had the best and most Godly mom and so blessed to have her always there for me, but I have had quite a few others in many stages of life that God provided. I still do, praise God. What a good, good Father who blesses me so!
I received a text this morning from a lady I used to go to church with. I haven’t seen or spoken to her in almost 6 years. She wrote… I can’t get you off of my heart and mind this week. Not sure why, but the Lord keeps bringing your name to me several times a day. When that happens, I just pray.
He hears. He cares. He answers. He has a plan for you and for me. Always has. Still does. Always will.
I find myself stuck somewhere between two messages I have heard this week – laying a dream on the altar and not giving up on a dream. I guess in God both can work together for His good purposes.
The problem with laying a dream on the altar is that you have to actually take the steps to kill it -yourself. The problem with the death of a dream is that it was only tangible to you and God and so for the most part no one else gets your grief and so they tend to try to redirect it toward something perhaps totally unrelated.
Last night I was out having a quiet dinner with my son and we ran into my group of friends going to Africa on a mission trip this winter. They had all been getting their yellow fever shots. Ouch! They said it hurt. Don’t know about that but it sure pinched like crazy to have to deal with my own feelings in the middle of Cracker Barrel. I admit it hurts not being a part of the mission and group. It hurts to be on the outside when I get together with these friends and this mission is now the topic of conversation. It hurts and yet I am still interested and have a heart of love and I still am supportive and want to always offer life giving words regarding this mission and my friends willingness to go and share the Gospel.
So I deal privately with my heart and I sit here and the tears roll. I have happiness for them and the changes that will come in their lives. I have happiness for those they will meet along the way. They have lots of projects with orphans and widows and pastors and ladies that have come off the streets of Tanzania. I so wanted to be a part of the ministry to the ladies and widows there.
So I do what I know I am allowed – pray and sow and lay my dreams and plans on the altar.
Interesting how ours seem so “perfect” but God alone has perfect plans.
And then there is the other message of don’t give up….
I know God has a work for me but I am often reminded by the Lord that my work at this time is intercession, and serving and supporting other’s visions and dreams. Not that the Lord hasn’t given me my own dreams too but it is all related. As it says in Luke 16:12:
And if ye have not been faithful in that which is another man’s, who shall give you that which is your own?
No matter what, when you know your assignment has proceeded straight from the Lord’s mouth, no matter the opposition, it is an assignment full of life and joy and a mighty expectation.
My wheels began turning this morning after I read Greg Mauro’s article in Ministry Today Magazine titled “Are You Called to Another’s Man’s Ministry?”
It reminded of a story Evangelist Rachel Hickson told once. When she was first called into the ministry, she worked as an intercessor with Christ for All Nations and Evangelist Reinhard Bonnke. For many of those early years, while Reinhard Bonnke would preach to tens of thousands and minister healing and deliverance to thousands, Rachel would intercede each night UNDER the platform where Bonnke was standing. It was her job and assignment. Rachel was faithful. It was during these times of intercession that she not only saw others healed and saved and called, but she herself was miraculously healed as she had been in an automobile accident that left her unable to walk. She saw deliverance herself- as she was so incredibly shy when she started that she could not talk to others normally (sound familiar-Rachel’s testimony and her selfless gift of her teachings are what gave me the hope that God would deliver me as He had her) Today, Rachel Hickson is an Evangelist and Author and yet, still and always an Intercessor. She travels the world leading others to salvation but also encouraging and teaching the saints- equipping them in areas of prayer and God’s supernatural gifts.
Many times over the years since I was saved, I have been called to the prayer room during a service. Honestly, sometimes I have not wanted to leave the atmosphere of what was happening. Sometimes I resented that no one would come alongside no matter how much we pleaded for help. Seemed no one cared. Still, I knew that prayer was my assignment and God had spoken to me of interceding during services…much like some serve in the nursery or on the praise team or wherever. Prayer was my assignment.
There were times I found it incredibly easy. There were times it was so difficult. During one of the difficult seasons I found myself telling God over and over that I felt like I was missing something special out in the service. I would say God please let YOUR GLORY flood this room TOO. Over and over God would tell me that He would never leave me out.
One day God said to me Words that I keep always with me and close to my heart. They were Words of correction but great LOVE. He took me to Psalm 63:2
“To see thy power and thy glory, so as I have seen thee in the sanctuary.”
Beautiful, hopeful thought….and then He said, “Missy, your real rebellion is feeling like I have put you on a shelf in the midst of the action. I haven’t put you on a shelf; I’ve put you UNDER the platform with JESUS!”
He never left me out of what He was doing, He was using me also to do His own will. I have thought so often of those words and that two year time of being back there with him during those services and I know this – what He was doing, was He was trying to make a minister of me. When He brought me back into the services I was different.
Now when I am in a service of another minister that I know God has specifically called and assigned me to pray and intercede for, I see myself and position my heart with Jesus….UNDER THE PLATFORM. What a very special place and indeed a treasured assignment!
I was in prayer this morning and heard part of a song by Luke Wood:
I want to stand in Your counsel
And sit at Your table
And speak to You face to face as a friend…
Before I got past this first verse, I felt like crying. It was such a necessary reminder of what I’m after and what I feel I have been left alive on this earth to do. Even as I labor in prayer and as I prepare to preach (there, I said it) and with everything else I have going on from day to day, this is the heart of who I am. In all my doing and all my ministry, if I haven’t stood in His counsel, it benefits me nothing. If I haven’t met God and heard His voice and had His own fire touch my heart, not only will my witness be that much less effective, but I will become dull on the inside. I desperately don’t want that to happen. I can’t afford it.
Life is too short to not really know God. The hour is too urgent to babble away with lofty sounding ideas that have nothing of the weight of heaven upon them. As exciting and glorious as it sounds to stand in the counsel of the Lord, it is more than that — it is a matter and life and death for those called to be His messengers. It is a matter of hearts being alive and our witness being powerful, or our hearts growing cold and our words falling to the ground. He is coming back soon, and we must know His voice in that hour.
This journey is a painful one. As other lyrics in the song go, “Let my heart be torn in two until Your will is mine.”
I personally am hitting head-on the reality that in and of myself – I have nothing. I’m nowhere near where I want to be as far as hearing God and then responding rightly when I do hear. But by the grace of God, I want to continue to say yes, continue to rise up and follow, once and for all to remove that garment of fear that the enemy keeps trying to fasten back on me. No more! uh uh NO I will not cower to intimidation any longer and I will continue to cry out to hear His voice until the day I see Him face to face…
I want to stand in Your counsel
to sit at Your table
And speak to You face to face as a friend
I want to stand in Your fire wherever Your eyes fall
May You find me faithful to Your heart
Let me be found…
With a heart after You
May Your eyes find this heart loyal to You
May You be all that’s on my mind all of the time
Let my heart be torn in two until your will is mine
Dearly Beloved of my soul