When Jesus told Peter, “If you love me, feed my sheep,” Peter had just denied Jesus. Can you imagine Peter’s feelings of guilt? I’m sure he considered ending all ministry.
How I hear that today: Jesus says to us, “If you love Me, FORGET the mistakes and failures of the past and focus on what I asked you to do!” (Of course, I’m not talking about short-circuiting repentance)
Well it has happened. I fell asleep in the prayer room this morning. Dozed off, nodded off…never imagined I would. Most especially didn’t imagine it since I popped up and was ready to face the day at 5am because I couldn’t sleep. So eager. There is just something about falling asleep during prayer that really humbles you. I am reminded of the disciples and their same struggle. How often I have judged them…and now I have lived it, kind of. What did Jesus say to them…pray lest you fall into temptation? What did He say to me? Pretty much the same thing the first time I woke up and the second. As I left I did so just as I imagine Peter did, determined to prove I hadn’t failed terribly and that I could overcome. Even to standing up and cutting off an ear of the enemy…acting first thinking later out of a passion to prove something. That same determination and proof— a failure as well.
Yes it happened. The temptation, the frustration, the battle, the failure. All I had to do was stay awake and pray, but I couldn’t.