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Failures in the Wilderness

Interesting week. Full of victories and failures. The victory came despite me for sure. I am one who has the gift of perseverance and I do have to believe it is a gift. It is a gift or an issue that I want to finish what I begin.

This week I have been tempted in some great ways in a very cunning scheme (to which I very easily fell) to assert authority that was not really mine. Or was it? I was asked to speak but when I did apparently, I spoke harsh and unkind words and shed darkness instead of light. To be confronted with that at the end of a day of such victory is an interesting twist. I should rejoice but I can only cry tonight. I have failed and been corrected. I know it is important to receive it, ask for forgiveness and move on. How do you fail and then show back up to face your failure? Holy Spirit has to help me here because I have no one to ask this to. I understand Peter a little…yeah, my mouth is a wicked thing and I am sometimes too quick to run it….then I justify it but there really is none.

This week, I have been encouraged and criticized all for the same thing. How do you know who to trust? There being no human that has my greatest and best interest at heart I have to try here to rely on the Lord. Rejecting the criticism is a hard one for me. Make one choice and I may lose a friend. Make the other and…well, that isn’t an option.

This week, I have felt such abandonment. Don’t know what else to say about that now. I do wonder in the wilderness what Jesus felt beyond the temptations.

I am in the most confusing state I have ever been in and I mostly just want to curl up in the bed and not get up for a while. I want to be like Jesus but am so far away from looking like Him.

Interesting to note this is a week of fasting…