Posted in Journal


Yesterday our pastor asked if we really wanted to follow Jesus. “Yes” Well, now who wouldn’t say that? Then Pastor hit us with this- did we really want to follow Him if it meant Calvary? “Yes, Amen!” I said, but as soon as the words were out of my mouth the weight of those same words were on me and that weight is heavy. hmmm Calvary means death. I knew this and I believed that I believed what I said. Then not five minutes after the service ended I chose to be offended by a criticism; which led to a feeling of discouragement and an unexplainable loneliness that I allowed to ruin the peaceful day I had planned; which led to a pity party and then while wallowing (that is an ugly image but have to admit, accurate) I started feeling badly from the cold I thought for sure I was over. I was sad and my feelings hurt, I was tired of coughing and I was just so lonely and discouraged—and in an instant it was as though if anyone were listening I would have screamed “UNCLE!!!! I can’t even handle a cold, how can I handle Calvary?”

…and then it dawned on me. He knows! He knows I am not in any way skilled at climbing any step of this mountain. He knows…so He says “follow” which means He is right in front of me. I started picturing God far enough ahead on the path that I can see the view but if I am not careful in my pace and attention as He travels ahead I might allow a branch to snap back and hit me in the face. That will definitely get my attention. But I also picture God close enough to grab my hand and pull me up some of these steeper inclines when I stumble. Even for lack of attention and especially at times when I cry “uncle!”

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