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Lord, I give up all my own plans and purposes

I give up all my own desires and hopes and

I accept Thy will for my life.

I give myself, my life, my all utterly to Thee to be Thine forever.

Just some thoughts. Believe me I don’t claim to have any of it figured out…at all…and this is directed at no one. If it speaks to you good. If it doesn’t just as good. I do in my blog what I have always done since I was very young – just write what is on my heart without too much censorship…as a way of processing and it is my hope that when I look back at it all in a year, I will have changed for the better in some way.

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Praise and Criticism

It’s great to have a few people in your life that believe in you and that can give sincere praise and honest critique. I have learned to value criticism and am rarely offended by it, if it is constructive – serves the purpose of making me better in some way or correcting a wrong that I have overlooked by negligence or even choice. We grow by both critique and praise but too much of either can be detrimental. Both have to be tempered with true LOVE.

So I wonder…

If someone constantly praises you, does it show their level of relationship with you? Do they really even know you or do they just like who they think you are or more who they think you are to them…like an idol of sorts? When they see a fault, will they still praise what is good in you or will the fault overshadow and topple everything they have seemingly built you up to be? Once toppled will you be as rubbish to them? I don’t know, just a thought I had this morning.

And I wonder also if someone constantly corrects your actions and beliefs, your words and things like the way you dress or what you love to surround yourself with in your own home or environment (as long as it is not unholy) is that constructive critique at all? Do they really believe in you or are they hoping to recreate you into the image of who they want you to be? Again idolatry perhaps?!?

I want to be recreated into another’s image…but only in the image of JESUS! I do want others to be recreated in His image as well. While we are to be there to help each other and build each other up and admonish each other – ultimately someone’s recreation is not my job. It is between them and the Lord and so it is His job!!!

Temper it all in LOVE!!!! When I need to go over a good definition of love, I look at 1 Corinthians 13 (I like it especially in the Amplified).

Let the words of my mouth, and the meditation of my heart, be acceptable in thy sight, O Lord, my strength, and my redeemer. ~ Psalm 19:14

Hatred stirreth up strifes: but love covereth all sins. ~ Proverbs 10:12

And above all things have fervent charity among yourselves: for charity shall cover the multitude of sins. ~ 1 Peter 4:8

Wherefore comfort yourselves together, and edify one another, even as also ye do. And we beseech you, brethren, to know them which labour among you, and are over you in the Lord, and admonish you; And to esteem them very highly in love for their work’s sake. And be at peace among yourselves. ~ 1 Thessalonians 5:11-13

For whom he did foreknow, he also did predestinate to be conformed to the image of his Son, that he might be the firstborn among many brethren. ~ Romans 8:29

If I [can] speak in the tongues of men and [even] of angels, but have not love (that reasoning, intentional, spiritual devotion such as is inspired by God’s love for and in us), I am only a noisy gong or a clanging cymbal. 2 And if I have prophetic powers (the gift of interpreting the divine will and purpose), and understand all the secret truths and mysteries and possess all knowledge, and if I have [sufficient] faith so that I can remove mountains, but have not love (God’s love in me) I am nothing (a useless nobody). 3 Even if I dole out all that I have [to the poor in providing] food, and if I surrender my body to be burned or in order that I may glory, but have not love (God’s love in me), I gain nothing. 4 Love endures long and is patient and kind; love never is envious nor boils over with jealousy, is not boastful or vainglorious, does not display itself haughtily. 5 It is not conceited (arrogant and inflated with pride); it is not rude (unmannerly) and does not act unbecomingly. Love (God’s love in us) does not insist on its own rights or its own way, for it is not self-seeking; it is not touchy or fretful or resentful; it takes no account of the evil done to it [it pays no attention to a suffered wrong]. 6 It does not rejoice at injustice and unrighteousness, but rejoices when right and truth prevail. 7 Love bears up under anything and everything that comes, is ever ready to believe the best of every person, its hopes are fadeless under all circumstances, and it endures everything [without weakening]. 8 Love never fails [never fades out or becomes obsolete or comes to an end]. As for prophecy (the gift of interpreting the divine will and purpose), it will be fulfilled and pass away; as for tongues, they will be destroyed and cease; as for knowledge, it will pass away [it will lose its value and be superseded by truth]. 9 For our knowledge is fragmentary (incomplete and imperfect), and our prophecy (our teaching) is fragmentary (incomplete and imperfect).

10 But when the complete and perfect (total) comes, the incomplete and imperfect will vanish away (become antiquated, void, and superseded).

11 When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child; now that I have become a man, I am done with childish ways and have put them aside. 12 For now we are looking in a mirror that gives only a dim (blurred) reflection [of reality as in a riddle or enigma], but then [when perfection comes] we shall see in reality and face to face! Now I know in part (imperfectly), but then I shall  know and understand fully and clearly, even in the same manner as I have been fully and clearly known and understood [by God]. 13 And so faith, hope, love abide [faith—conviction and belief respecting man’s relation to God and divine things; hope—joyful and confident expectation of eternal salvation; love—true affection for God and man, growing out of God’s love for and in us], these three; but the greatest of these is love.  ~ 1 Corinthians 13 (Amplified)

Jesus entered Jerusalem riding towards His enemies on a borrowed donkey. It was a happy day! People were shouting “HOSANNA!”  (An expression of adoration, praise or joy…but literally Hosanna means: save, we pray)

Many of the people along the route that day believed He was the Messiah. They had seen His mighty works and the whole multitude of disciples were praising and rejoicing. Their praises were so extravagant that they seemed to disturb even the usual celebratory atmosphere of the Passover feast. So much so that it says in Luke 19:39-40 that some of the Pharisees asked Jesus to rebuke them…but He said in vs. 40 –

“ I tell you that, if these should hold their peace, the stones would immediately cry out.”

This multitude of His disciples did believe…but they thought he was coming to right their world and fulfill their desires. When He didn’t come in the way they expected or desired their shouts turned from “Hosanna” to “CRUCIFY HIM!”

What was it to “crucify?”  It means to put to death by nailing or binding the hands and feet to a cross but it also means to treat with gross injustice; persecute; torment; torture;  and to ridicule.

Sometimes during this special holy week  I have been guilty of going from the “Hosanna” of Palm Sunday straight through to the “Hallelujah!” of Easter Sunday…without giving thought to the events of the week between.

I’ve put out of my mind the betrayal, denial, insulting, spitting, beating, the suffering death of Jesus of Nazareth.  I wanted to go from glory to glory but it wasn’t possible because I also wanted to skip the messy condemning uncomfortable stuff.

– stuff like how Jesus ate his last meal with the people He loved most, all of whom (perhaps like me) would betray, abandon or deny him

– that these friends (perhaps like me) couldn’t even do as He requested of them and stay awake while He prayed in the garden

– that the crowd (perhaps like me) would strike and taunt him for not living up to their expectations

– that the people would (perhaps like me) shout, “Crucify Him!” and twist Him a crown of thorns.

– that passersby would (perhaps like me) shout “save yourself” while Jesus was killed never once fighting back or getting Himself off the cross...because I would probably save myself. 

– that Jesus would die with only a handful of women and a disciple by His side. Everyone else (perhaps like me) would distance themselves, backing away when standing alongside Jesus became unpopular or scary.

Maybe if we go straight from the happiness and expectation of the palms to the lilies and hallelujahs of Easter we can avoid feeling bad or any conviction…. but between the Hosannas and Hallelujahs – is where I found that once my very own voice cried out “Crucify Him!” Between the Hosanna and Hallelujahs is where I encountered the Cross!

The Cross – The Father’s perfect plan! The Cross – though we didn’t understand, the prayer of  our “HOSANNA!” answered.

For the people of Jesus’ day and for me — Jesus came not to right our world and fulfill our desires, but He came to right our hearts by fulfilling the Father’s desires to bring us to Himself!!!

Thank you, Jesus! For giving us what we need most and not what we wanted!!! And again we, Your disciples, cry, “HOSANNA! Hosanna in the highest!”

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Matthew 21:6-11

6 And the disciples went, and did as Jesus commanded them,

7 And brought the ass, and the colt, and put on them their clothes, and they set him thereon.

8 And a very great multitude spread their garments in the way; others cut down branches from the trees, and strawed them in the way.

9 And the multitudes that went before, and that followed, cried, saying, Hosanna to the son of David: Blessed is he that cometh in the name of the Lord; Hosanna in the highest.

10 And when he was come into Jerusalem, all the city was moved, saying, Who is this?

11 And the multitude said, This is Jesus the prophet of Nazareth of Galilee.

Home from a conference and a mighty, mighty powerful move of God at Message of Love tonight and I just wanted to write down a few quick notes.

I guess if I came away with anything this weekend, although it was probably birthed more in prayer and fasting even before the weekend, it was assurance of these “knowings” –

God cares about the things we care about. I have been praying this morning that Meg would have a better experience dropping G off for his 2nd day of daycare and that somehow she would be filled with incredible peace. I prayed that G would not spend this day crying like he did yesterday but instead he would feel safe and loved and that he would enjoy exploring his new world.

All was going well. One of the workers immediately took G and started rocking him and he seemed content. Meg felt better about it… and then she went to put his bottles in the refrigerator and one of the workers told her that G’s glass bottles could not be allowed because the state didn’t allow glass bottles…and the state was coming today. (One can only wonder why this wasn’t addressed yesterday…but oh well). Meg was angry because suddenly she had to call in to work and cancel a meeting to rush to buy new bottles, run home to clean bottles and refill them and then take them back to the daycare. Heading back, she was determined to give someone a few of her thoughts for not addressing this yesterday on G’s first day.

But GOD had a plan and it was a good plan. He was answering my prayers.

When Meg walked in the door to put the bottles away she noticed G was sitting on a little green fuzzy mat playing with toys. He looked happy and he even sounded so happy squealing as he shook one of the toys. She was immediately so filled with joy and peace regarding G and his care that she quietly put the bottles away and walked out so as not to disturb what was happening.

I know that had the issue with the bottles not forced her to return to that daycare this morning she would have never seen what God had prepared for her and she would have gone to work okay but not filled with that incredible peace and joy, knowing her baby was not only okay but really okay.

GOD IS GOOD and His ways sometimes seem so mysterious at the time but He is moving, moving, moving even when it seems He is not because we are tested or we are inconvenienced in some way. THANK YOU LORD for showing me once again that you hear my prayers and you are moving for G and Meg and all the other special requests that have been placed on my heart and lifted up today.

I know GOD is moving and I trust His moves!!!

1. Grumbling
2. Complaining
3. Unbelief
4. Disobedience
5. Rebellion
6. Jealousy
7. Selfishness
8. Covetousness
9. Fear
10. Bitterness
11. Hatred
12. Lust
13. Temper
14. Impatience
15. Pride
16. Stubbornness
17. Malice–“hurtful intent”
18. Greed
19. Anxiety
20. Judging
21. Criticism

Nona Freeman 1916-2009 was a foreign missionary to Africa. Even after her husband’s death in 1999 she continued to travel, preach and speak. She served Jesus in ministry 70 years until her death at 93 years old in 2009.

“I longed to make a bold move with my life. Yet I had no clue where to begin. Or how. With each passing day I grew more desperate. Nights were the worst. Awake and crying my way through most of them, I had only one prayer: “God, use me or take me out. Please, I am begging You. I don’t want to live this way. I can’t live this way any longer. I’m desperate to know why I’m here. Use me or take me out.” Although I was blinded to it at first, over time – painstaking time – doors began to open.” ~ Kimberly L. Smith (Author of Passport Through Darkness – such an incredible, incredible, book on missions)

For Kimberly her journey into missions began by a video of boys with no shoes in South Sudan. For me it was a documentary on HIV in Africa. I was so struck by the magnitude of pain and the avalanche of poverty and starvation and diseases on a people. Then before me on this screen was a debate not so much over the suffering though it was evident and not hidden but this documentary was a debate over responsibility – it seemed such a waste. I wanted to scream “WHO CARES!?!” but deep down I felt a burden of responsibility. I wanted to scream who cares who was right or wrong a generation ago?!? But yet generations can no longer speak up and answer for themselves and for their children that will never be now. So I scream – WHO CARES NOW??!! I tried not to finish watching but it was as though I were glued there. WHO CARES I cry as I watch…about those that are hurting and dying…because at the time I knew I had heard about HIV all of my adult life and I hadn’t cared at all until this moment. Sometimes I can’t even fathom how this heart I had could turn away so blindly at one time….but God was giving me a new heart in that moment. Yes, He was! and it was like a knife went into my heart and cut it out. My heart wasn’t pricked – it was cut out and replaced. Two hours later I felt a pain I had never experienced. It was a feeling of fervency and guilt. I was guilty and the blood of my old heart was now mingled with their blood and it was on my hands forever unless I did something. That is the way once you know. I was guilty! No, I didn’t cause their disease but I did just as much damage in the Father’s eyes by living my posh life and not caring at all what others suffer….. and in that moment I heard myself say, “Lord, what can I do? If you can use me Lord – Here am I, Lord. Send ME!!!” and then I heard the Father say, “I AM going to send you to Africa!” When God speaks you never have to question it again, though we do in the waiting.

I told my family that night on the way to Olive Garden what God had said. We were sitting at the intersection of Cox Road and Franklin Blvd. It was a moment that has since defined my life. They looked at me at first disbelieving – after all this was me. Me – someone who at the time had never traveled outside of this country or without my family anywhere. Me -who was too shy to even ask probing question on how to get involved in missions or to even speak to the cashier at the grocery store. Me – who had at the time only been saved a little while. Who did I think I was? At my age should I focus on short term home mission? Home missions are so important and I may do that one day as all missions have a place – but God didn’t say the USA. He didn’t say Costa Rica or the Dominican Republic or Jamaica or even Romania (though that was a breakthrough and special time for me). No God said “Africa!” I wondered and my family wondered what God could ever use me to do over there. It is a valid question that i have often posed myself. It is the question that I was asked when I first began to plan to go to Romania – what can you do? Everyone went around the table giving a list of things and accomplishments. At the time I didn’t have a clue what I could do for the Lord or for this team. I didn’t sing outloud. I didn’t preach or teach children or even pray aloud. I didn’t have any talents or special knowledge that seemed to be of value. No qualifications. No commissionings. No ordinations. No experience. I wasn’t medically trained. What could I do??? It is still a truly valid question.

I have the answer though, I always have since that day. I am called to GO and to CARE!

Me – who didn’t care at all honestly now cares like my life depends on it and I believe it truly does!