One day not long ago I was driving to church singing to the top of my lungs, as I am accustomed to doing, when God stopped me at a stoplight. I felt Him say to me (in my spirit), “You don’t know how close you were to dying.” I quickly said, “Yes Lord, I know.” He said, “NO!!! STOP!!! LISTEN!!! You don’t understand. You don’t know how close you were to dying and going to HELL.” It might sound odd but at that moment I could “feel” His tears because of my lack of revelation and my nonchalent attitude toward the price He paid.
See while I kind of knew this in my head, I had never really put His sacrifice of Hiimself into my heart. When it went into my heart, it ripped me open. I got it…that I was only at this stoplight, heading to church because HE had SAVED my life. He didn’t have to, but He loved me that much. I should be burning in eternal flames. I should have nails driven through my hand. I should have my flesh ripped off. It should have been me…forever thirsty and in a place I can’t even imagine. I cannot tell you how this filled me with such a mixture of sadness, gladness, joy and sorrow. I felt it deeply and I sat there in those few minutes and repented of my lack of desire to honestly and really KNOW HIM and honor Him and reverence Him. In those minutes I said, “Lord, thank you for your mercy to me! What do I do now? What today would please you Lord?” He said, “Worship ME!”
That day I went to my seat determined to worship Him with all of my heart and as I worshipped I closed my eyes to avoid those corporate distractions and when I came to my place of encounter with Him during that time, all I could do was cry. I cried as I remembered His love and the cross. I cried as all that filled my eyes was His blood – the sacrifice of it and yet the power in it. I cried when I had revelation of the abadonment from the Father that He took for me so that I would never have to feel that. I cried as I viewed the resurrection of Jesus that was even my own resurrection.
God knew where I was when He rescued me. I would be dead for eternity. I was so close to it. Instead I am alive and alive only for one purpose….to Glorify my Lord, Savior and Father. Alive to Glorify and do the works on this earth commanded by Him, even as He Himself did. It has become all I want to do. His love and His command is all that drives me to pray; all that drives me to love; all that drives me to live. I have no other purpose.