I pray such silly prayers sometimes! “God, is that Your will for ME!” Never mind that the Word of God says it is His will for me.” Or how about this one…”Lord, it’s not fair! You are asking me to do things I can’t do.” I think God laughs!
I have been going through a season where it seems almost everything in me wants to see healing flow through my prayers and my hands. I see the sick and those in bondage and it is as though I enter into their pain and I have no other focus than to share the LIFE and the HOPE that God has given me. The Bible says that healing is only one of the signs that will follow believers. Being a believer…I just take these Words literally..but of course, there is someone who hates healing and works in all of our minds to make sure we NEVER walk in that. For most of my life I was taught this gift had passed and wasn’t for this generation. Healing and a desire to see people healed and delivered of physical and emotional and spiritual wounds is nevertheless ingrained in the depths of my soul…as though it had always been there. I have fought constant doubts and questions as to whether this was for me. How could I believe in and desire something that so many don’t. Am I just rebellious? My thoughts and emotions around this have been like floating balls in the water. I try to push it under and it goes down briefly but then quickly rises back to the surface. I questioned my heart. I questioned my motives. I questioned my character. Shouldn’t I focus on salvation instead of signs that lead to salvation? Oh, it went on and on.
Then, someone prayed for me and as he prayed for God’s will to come forth in my life, I fell into pieces. With each tear, it was as though all the questions, the sorrow, the doubt, all that I didn’t understand and could never explain fell out of me in a heap of pieces as well. When the tears stopped I actually did feel lighter and hopeful but I was still very unsure of what the Holy Spirit was doing within me beyond just having a need for a good cry. Since that prayer though I have felt God’s direction and most especially over the weekend as He directed me to a chapter in the Bible, Romans 4.
I have read and reread this passage in many versions. Here are portions of it from the Message Bible:
“The story we are given is a God-story not an Abraham-story.”
“Abraham entered into what God was doing for him and THAT was the turning point.”
“the one who trusts God to do the putting-everything-right without insisting on having a say in it is one fortunate man”
“When everything was hopeless, Abraham believed anyway, deciding to live not on the basis of what he saw he couldn’t do but on what God said he WOULD do.”
“He didn’t tiptoe around God’s promise asking cautiously skeptical questions. He plunged into the promise and came up strong, ready for God, sure that God would make good on what He had promised.”
The Word does not come back void and somewhere in these last days something has clicked. A lightbulb came on! Today I stop apologizing for and tiptoeing around my beliefs and my desires. I stop worrying about how to explain who I have become or what God has promised. I am plunging into what He has placed in my life because it isn’t about me and my ability, or lack of. It is all about God and souls. Healing IS His idea. His idea to lead the unbeliever to Him. I didn’t make it up or even put the desire into my own heart. It is His desire residing in my heart!!!
What God put in my heart will come to pass. Of course, I can’t do it and that’s how I know it is God! And isn’t it wondeful that I don’t have to do anything except in my inability, just believe anyway? (Read Romans 4) Just like God changed Sarah so that she could birth her baby, Isaac, God can do whatever is necessary in me, so that I can birth HIS dream, HIS promise; that which can not be done in the natural but MUST come from the Spirit. It is ALL ABOUT HIM!